Why Grieving Is an Essential Part of Healing
By: Brian Hoeflinger, MD
November 12, 2025 | #65
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Disclaimer: Opinions are my own. Not medical advice.
Medical Trivia of the Week
Grief activates many of the same areas in the brain that are involved in which of the following sensations? (the correct answer is at the end of this email)
- A) Pleasure and reward
- B) Memory and learning
- C) Physical pain
- D) Balance and coordination
Dealing with Grief & Loss
Death is a topic that most people avoid, yet it’s something every one of us will experience in our lifetime. Whether it’s the loss of a family member, a close friend, or even a beloved pet, grief touches us all eventually. When it does, it can feel like the world is ending, like everything familiar and safe has been taken away.
The pain that follows loss is called grieving, and it’s completely normal. In fact, it’s not just normal, it’s necessary. Grieving is how we process the deep emotions that come with loss. It’s how we move from shock and heartbreak toward healing and acceptance.
When my son Brian died, I felt like my life had ended too. I didn’t know what to do or how to move forward. The world seemed gray and meaningless. What I eventually learned, painfully and slowly, was that I needed to grieve. I needed to feel the sadness, the anger, the emptiness. It was the only way to begin healing.
Grief is not something to be rushed or hidden. Cry as much as you need to. Be alone when you feel like it. Don’t apologize for your emotions or try to suppress them because others might be uncomfortable. Everyone grieves differently, and there’s no single right way to do it.
You may have people telling you to “stay strong” or “move on,” but healing doesn’t work that way. There’s no timeline, no finish line, no set number of days or weeks before you’re supposed to feel “better.” The truth is, no one else can fully understand what you’re going through. Only you can. So give yourself grace. Be patient with yourself.
That doesn’t mean you have to go through it entirely alone. Lean on those you trust. Allow others to help when you can. But understand that ultimately, you must find your own way to live in the absence of the person (or being) you lost. The world will look different now, and that’s okay.
With time, the unbearable pain will begin to ease. It won’t disappear completely, but it will soften. You’ll start to feel moments of joy again, and those moments will gradually grow. The sadness will never vanish, but it will transform into something gentler, a love that lives on in your memories.
You don’t have to leave the person you lost behind. They can live within you, in a special place that only you can access. That’s where their memory, love, and influence will always remain. From that place, you can start to live forward, not as if they never existed, but in a way that honors their life and your continued journey.
If you are grieving right now, please hear this: you will heal. The pain will not always feel this sharp. Your heart will begin to mend, and you will smile again, not in forgetting, but in remembering with love. Grief is not about letting go; it’s about learning how to carry what you’ve lost in a way that allows you to live again.
It takes time. But I promise, healing will come.
Impactful Quote of the Week
"Grief is the price we pay for love."
- Queen Elizabeth II
All my best,
Brian Hoeflinger
P.S. - if you enjoyed this newsletter, you may enjoy my podcast and/or my book that details my life as neurosurgeon and the loss of my oldest son, Brian (see below a synopsis).
Check out My Podcast
The Hoeflinger Podcast is about more than medicine, it’s about living a fuller, healthier, and more meaningful life. My son, Kevin, and I discuss medicine, health, fitness, lessons learned from personal tragedy, family, and purpose. Along the way, we invite inspiring guests to bring fresh insights and perspectives. Watch or listen to the podcast below.
YouTube: Click here
Apple Podcasts: Click here
Spotify: Click here
Check out My Book
Life and Death . . . Two words with such opposite meaning and which inflict such contradictory emotions and yet are so closely intertwined in our lives. As parents, we bring meaning and life into this world through our children. Our lives become defined as a result. We learn the joy, hardship, and responsibility of shaping an innocent life. But a day will come when that life will be taken. For some, death will come too soon. This is the story of my son, Brian Nicholas Hoeflinger, who died unexpectedly at age 18.
https://doctorhoeflinger.com/products/the-night-he-died-the-harsh-reality-of-teenage-drinking
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Medical Trivia Answer:
The correct answer is C) Physical pain
*Disclaimer: This newsletter and blog is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this newsletter and blog or materials linked from this newsletter and blog is at the user’s own risk. The content of this newsletter and blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay seeking medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should consult their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
