TO THE GRADUATING CLASS OF 2025
By: Brian Hoeflinger, MD
April 27, 2025 | #43
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Disclaimer: Opinions are my own. Not medical advice.
The following is an article I wrote in our local newspaper a few months after my son died in 2013 in the hopes of spreading awareness about drunk driving and keeping young people safe, especially during Prom season. I like to share it again every year because it remains just as important. Please share it with your children, your friends, and anyone else you think it may be useful for.
Our son, Brian Hoeflinger, died in a tragic car accident four months before graduating high school at the young age of 18. He was a kid just like you who had hopes and aspirations of going to college and having a full happy life. On the night he died, he was at a party with friends drinking vodka and ended up driving intoxicated. I remember the phone call we received late that night when we learned Brian had been in a car accident. The sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach and the frantic racing of your heart when you don’t know if your child has been hurt or if he is even still alive. Your entire body trembles uncontrollably with fear as you anticipate what you will be told on the phone. We were told to come to the hospital immediately.I remember the drive to the hospital. It was cold and snowing that night. We were so scared of what we were about to find out. How badly was our son Brian injured?
When my wife and I arrived at the hospital, we were told Brian was dead. Our bodies were numb. We immediately felt empty and completely alone inside. “How can this nightmare be real?” is all you can think to yourself.We were walked back to the room where Brian was. That image of our son lying there on a cold gurney dead at age 18 will never leave our minds for as long as we live. His pale lifeless body lying there almost as though he were asleep, wishing he were only asleep but knowing all too well that he was dead and never coming back home with us ever again. It is the worst singular feeling we have ever experienced in our lives.The second worst feeling was telling our other three children at home about an hour later that their older brother Brian was dead and gone forever. The pain we inflicted upon them at that moment in the middle of the night was unthinkable. There are no words to give justice to what took place.
At our children’s request, we took them to the hospital to see Brian. It would be the last time that they would ever get to see him so close to being alive. It was heartbreaking to watch Kevin, Julie and Christie say goodbye to their big brother forever that night. The lasting image of him lying there dead on a gurney in the emergency department permanently seared into their minds. That life we had with Brian is over now and an unwelcome new life without Brian has taken its place.
We tell you this story because Brian could be any one of you, if you choose to drink. And we say choose, because it is your choice and nobody else’s. Once you take your first drink of alcohol, you are not making the decisions, the alcohol is. You are putting yourself and others at risk for injury or, even worse, dying like Brian.Now you may say that Brian was stupid and not a responsible person. You would never be that dumb or make that mistake and it could never happen to you. Well, Brian used to say that too and look how it turned out for him. Let us tell you, Brian was not a stupid person. He had a 4.5 GPA, 32 ACT score, was a 4 handicap golfer, and was accepted to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, which was his first choice in colleges. Brian always made good decisions until alcohol was involved.
You see, you can’t make good decisions when you drink alcohol. No matter how much you think you can, you can’t. Brian proved that. He is now frozen in time at the age 18 with no chance to move forward or to make a difference in the lives of others. As for you, you are very much alive and able to make your destiny what you want. This is a very defining time in your life because at this moment you are able to choose the path in life you wish to follow.
At this moment, you have the chance to help change the future by taking a stand against drinking, especially drinking and driving. You are able to define who you are and to make a difference now. It is your time to be a leader that others will want to follow.It is a privilege to be alive and to be able to make a difference in the lives of others. Brian lost that chance with a bad decision and we’re sure he wouldn’t make that same mistake twice. But for Brian, there is no second chance. No chance to redo things. As for you, you still have the chance to make a difference in your life and in the lives of others. If we could ask you to remember just one thing from this letter, it would be to have fun without drinking. Be a leader and make it cool not to drink. You can do it. We know you can.
And lastly, but most importantly, don’t Drink and Drive or ride with someone who has been drinking. If you could feel for only a brief moment the extreme anguish and pain that we as a family feel over Brian’s death every moment of every day, then you would understand what drinking can cost you and your family. Please think about it. Think about what Brian lost, all his hopes, dreams and ultimately his life, as a result of alcohol. Please don't make the same mistake. Stay safe and make it to graduation. Don't put your family through what we are going through.
- The Hoeflinger family | www.BrianMatters.com
Brian would have graduated June 6, 2013 from Ottawa Hills High School in Toledo, Ohio. He would be 30 years old now. I often wonder what Brian would be doing if he were still alive today? To the Class of 2025, Don’t give up the chance to experience a long and happy life. You’ve worked too hard! Be smart, stay safe and please don’t Drink and Drive.
Most Importantly, please share this newsletter article with all your friends on social media in hopes that we can save at least one person and their family from an unnecessary tragedy or even death due to alcohol this Prom and Graduation season. Every senior should make it to graduation day!!
RIP BNH
Impactful Quote of the Week
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”
- Helen Keller
Best wishes,
Brian Hoeflinger
P.S. - if you enjoyed this newsletter, you may enjoy my book that details my life as neurosurgeon and the loss of my oldest son, Brian (see below a synopsis).
My Book
Life and Death . . . Two words with such opposite meaning and which inflict such contradictory emotions and yet are so closely intertwined in our lives. As parents, we bring meaning and life into this world through our children. Our lives become defined as a result. We learn the joy, hardship, and responsibility of shaping an innocent life. But a day will come when that life will be taken. For some, death will come too soon. This is the story of my son, Brian Nicholas Hoeflinger, who died unexpectedly at age 18.
https://doctorhoeflinger.com/products/the-night-he-died-the-harsh-reality-of-teenage-drinking
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