What Losing My Son Taught Me About Grief and Living Again
By: Brian Hoeflinger, MD
August 30, 2026 | #92
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Disclaimer: Opinions are my own. Not medical advice.
We're Racing a Half Ironman
A quick personal note before we get started.
My son and I are racing Ironman 70.3 Michigan in Frankfort on September 20, 2026. That's a 1.2 mile swim, a 56 mile bike, and a 13.1 mile run. Training has been humbling, and I'll have more to say about it in the weeks ahead.
We're racing as part of Team IMF to raise money for the Ironman Foundation. The Foundation puts money back into the communities that host these races through grant funding and volunteer service projects, and since 2003 it has given more than $60 million to organizations in those race communities. It's a registered 501c3, so donations are tax deductible.
Fundraising closes on September 5. You can click the button below to learn more or donate to our charity fundraising page.
Medical Trivia of the Week
A minor scratch on the surface of the eye heals faster than almost anything else in the body. How fast does it heal? (the correct answer is at the end of this email)
- A) About a week
- B) 24 to 48 hours
- C) 2 to 3 weeks
- D) 5 days
What Grief Teaches You
Grief is the byproduct of having loved someone or something that is no longer here. The emotions are powerful and overwhelming, but they do serve a very important purpose.
Grief reminds us that we are still alive. It's this dichotomy between the loss of someone or something you love and the life you still have to live. It forces you to leave something precious behind while facing a future that now seems empty and alone.
These are feelings that make the future seem impossible. And yet these same feelings will force you to grow tenfold as a person.
I lived this myself.
I experienced this living hell when my son Brian died at age 18. After his death, my life felt instantaneously empty and purposeless, and I wanted to die. I could see no pathway forward without him.
The love was still there but he was not. That is grief.
And yet here I am 13 years later, alive and enjoying life again. My life is not the same without my son Brian, but my life is more fulfilling in so many ways.
The grief that I experienced over the loss of my son has helped me grow as a person, and it has taught me these five important lessons.
Lesson 1: Life is more than you. The true richness of life is found in doing things for others. I found that purpose in life brings overwhelming joy, and I only truly realized this through the death of my son.
Lesson 2: The pain will get better with time, and so will you. Give yourself grace and don't expect too much from yourself too quickly.
Lesson 3: There is no time limit to grief, no matter what those around you say. Take as much time as you need.
Lesson 4: Talk about your loss when you feel the need. Your loved one was real and always will be. The future can never take that away.
Lesson 5: Let happiness back into your life when the time is right. Everyone's grieving process is different, but don't be afraid to feel the joy of life again. It's what your loved one would have wanted.
Turn a Piece of Your Grief Into Hope for Someone Else
For those of you recently experiencing grief, you are feeling like life can't go on. I get it. I remember the all-encompassing emptiness that you are feeling.
But I am here to tell you that life will and must go on. You have too much to give the world to quit now. Life will get better, and so will the pain.
Learn from the pain. Take it and turn it into hope for someone else. Let another person suffering know that you understand their grief and you understand their loss.
Take a small piece of your grief and turn it into something positive, so the world will always remember your love and not just your grief.
If you have lost someone, hit reply and tell me their name and one thing about them. I read as many as I can.
Impactful Quote of the Week
"I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable."
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
All my best,
Brian Hoeflinger
Medical Trivia Answer:
The correct answer is B) 24 to 48 hours
A minor scratch on the cornea usually heals within 24 to 48 hours, because the surrounding cells slide across the gap to cover it rather than waiting for new cells to grow.
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*Disclaimer: This newsletter and blog is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this newsletter and blog or materials linked from this newsletter and blog is at the user’s own risk. The content of this newsletter and blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay seeking medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should consult their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
